Loading tweets...Children need to know that self-disclosure makes friendships grow. Trying to achieve closeness without revealing something about themselves is like trying to hit a home run with a toothpick. They don’t have what it takes.
For students who have difficulty talking about themselves (as many students with poor self-esteem), help them tape record a mini-autobiography. Others may have success drawing a time line outlining their life. Help your child focus on information that will help others understand her better:
• Where she was born.
• Important events in her childhood.
• Exciting things that have happened to her.
• Sad things that have happened.
• What school is like for her.
• Favorite teachers.
• People she loves and cares about.
• Hobbies.
• Best vacations.
• Funniest thing that ever happened to her.
Children need to know that they don’t have to show their deepest darkest secrets, but to deepen the friendship, self-disclosure must include thoughts and feelings about the past or future. Topics might include:
• A belief, opinion, or fear they have
• A story that makes them seem foolish
• An emotional event from early childhood
• Hopes for the future
Some children are afraid to express tastes and feelings because they feel disclosure might destroy the idea they are exactly like the other person. They need to be reminded we are all different and our differences can make our friendships stronger.
The third level of self disclosure involves revealing feelings about the person you’re speaking to. Ways students can do this include:
• Saying why you like the other person’s company.
• Saying that you hope to be closer friends.
• Saying what you want for the friendship.
• Any other statements that reveal feelings about the person or friendship.
The key is saying what they feel right now. It’s risky and they may feel anxious, especially if they’ve been rejected before. But they should know that as they take these risks, they’re building stronger relationships.
(c) 1995-2009, monte w. davenport, ph.d.
