What is Self-Talk?
“Self-talk” is what a child or teen (or adult) thinks to herself when she is faced with something difficult. An individual with learning, attention or other challenges often experiences negative self-talk about challenging tasks at school at work, on the playground, or in life.
“I’m stupid.”
“I’m a bad kid because I do and say things without thinking.”
“I’ll never get it!”
“No one likes me!”
Some children, teens, (and adults) take these negative thoughts to an extreme level resulting in low self-esteem, feelings of worthlessness, fears, anxiety, depression, and feelings of hopelessness.
How Does Negative Self-Talk Work?
Typically, negative self-talk follows the following A-B-C pattern:
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Adversity strikes (a problem occurs).
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Beliefs, or negative thoughts about the problem or one’s ability to handle the problem are generated in your child’s mind. These thoughts often include the words “I”, “me”, or “my” along with negative thoughts.
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Consequences or negative feelings and actions occur as a result of negative thoughts or beliefs.
Here’s an example…
Parents of children and teens with attention and learning problems might hear statements like this.
Adversity
“My teacher, Mrs. Bailey, gave me a bad grade because I didn’t do my homework right.”
Beliefs
“She hates me, and now the whole class thinks I’m stupid…I guess they’re right.”
Consequences
“I feel sad, and I wish I could just disappear under my desk.”
Recognize the C-A-Bs
That’s not a typo. Because this process happens fast, it may be easiest to first identify the Consequences (feelings and actions), then the Adversity (the problem), and then the Belief (thoughts). Practicing this way over time, your child or teen can identify the negative self-talk as it happens.
By helping your child or teen recognize her negative thoughts, a parent can validate her feelings. Once you have shown her that you understand, then you can help her change her negative beliefs and self-talk.
How Can You Change Negative Self-Talk and Feelings?
You can’t change negative feelings without first changing the negative self-talk. After your child or teen has identified her negative beliefs (thoughts), you can then help her change that negative self-talk and improve her feelings by helping her defend (D) herself as described in the next post.
Need Help Applying This Concept?
Dr. Davenport can help your child or teen recognize and change negative self-talk and feelings utilizing research-based counseling focused on developing realistic thinking and improved coping skills.
Contact us to make an appointment.
Excerpt from LD Kids Can! (c) 1993, Monte W. Davenport (permission to use identifying the ABCs WAS OBTAINED AT THAT TIME).
